Pain
by Immorura
Summary: Set after 'Top Secret Twenty-One' Things have changed drastically for Stephanie. She's done with Joe, she's lost her job and she hasn't seen Ranger since her trip to Atlantic City. Written with Three Days Grace references. Rated for language and sensitive subject matter.


The ominous steel glinted against the weak glow of the light; coated in red.

Rex was oblivious to the morbid aura of his owner as he squeaked happily on his wheel. The flickering and humming of the kitchen lights didn't seem to bother him; nor did the chaotic state of the room.

The sink was overloaded with dishes which had begun to sprout mould. The trashcan overflowed with empty beer cans and broken bottles. The counters were overspread with filth.

Stephanie Plum had taken to a dark path.

The rest of her apartment was no better. Her bedroom was littered with laundry while the living room was plagued with empty takeout cartons, doughnut boxes and chocolate bar wrappers.

Stephanie herself had fitted in with her evolved environment. Her brown curls had lost their spring and hung in dull whorls. Her usual vivid blue eyes were bloodshot and puffy from tears. Her skin was sickly pale and filthy from dust and dirt; she hadn't showered and only wore an oversized shirt she had pilfered from Ranger.

She had lost count of the weeks she had isolated herself from the world. But it didn't matter. She didn't care.

She didn't want her mother pestering her of how she would never succeed a stable and healthy relationship.

She didn't want the Burg gossiping about her.

She didn't want her friends fussing over her about how she had finally hit rock bottom.

The wretched day still haunted her.

That morning, she had a huge fight with Morelli.

His temper had worsened not long after her return from Atlantic City even though Stephanie had made it clear that she and Ranger were only working together.

But Joe's paranoia and possessiveness had really gotten out of hand when he kept insisting it was time that they finally settled down; got married and had kids - because they weren't going to be thirty-something forever.

But Stephanie knew what that meant. She'd have to give up bounty hunting. Okay, she might not have been very good at it but she loved her whacky misadventures with Lula, her best friend. She had experienced so many weird, wonderful and terrifying things as well as gaining invaluable recompenses; skills, friendships…_new love…_

Yes, she loved Joe, but he had already taken too much away from her since they were kids. Her dignity, then her virginity and now he wanted to strip down her character and turn her into something she wasn't prepared to be.

"_Look, Cupcake! Your job is too dangerous! I'm sick of worrying my ass off about you when you go after a skip and I'm still getting nightmares after you and Manoso left for Atlantic City! Why won't you just listen to me when I say you'd be better off being a mother and my wife?!" _

_She could feel steam coming out of her ears as she slowly shook her head. "First of all, Joe, I'm the one who helped your ungrateful ass when you were accused of murder despite you taking advantage of me when I was sixteen! I don't know where you'd be if I didn't take the job. _

_Secondly, you're being completely irrational by thinking me and Ranger were doing __**it **__in Atlantic City. It was just a mission and, in case you haven't noticed, I don't know where the Hell he is! He just disappeared without a trace and the guys at Rangeman won't even drop me a hint. _

_And finally, I'm not prepared to be something I'm not! I can barely look after a hamster never mind a baby. Val has panic attacks if I go anywhere near her kids! Besides, our relationship is just you humping me every time we're in the same room! What would our marriage be like with you and your testosterone coming out of your ears while my ovaries will be overloading?!"_

_He stared at her before blowing out a sigh. "Cupcake…We're not getting any younger…I know I get horny when I'm around you but I really do want our relationship to be more than just sex…I want to come home to someone who I know will always be there with little versions of us running around the place. I want to be a father, Steph, and I want what's best for you." _

_She held back the tears as she shook her head again. "I'm sorry Joe. But that __**someone **__is never going to be me." _

_She left him, but this time for good. _

The last thing she expected was to find Vinnie leaning against Connie's desk, cigar in hand, waiting for her. The look on Connie's face was enough to tell her that her cousin's rare presence in the room wasn't good news.

"_Hey Stephanie I've gotta cut ya loose."_

_Stephanie blinked at him. "Is this a new way of say hello you've mustered up, Vinnie?" _

_He ignored her. "Look, Uncle Sam is on my ass again. They sayin' I need to hire professionals - people with experience and junk." _

_She looked at Connie. "The number in FTAs causing bodily harm has gone up, Stephanie." She explained, her eyes turning tear bright with guilt. "We've been told we to hire people like…like…"_

"_Ranger." Stephanie finished for her. "Yet we haven't seen him for months!"_

_Connie looked as though she wanted to cry as she nodded slowly. _

"_Yeah, Yeah, Batman evacuated the Batcave!" Vinnie blurted out as he made his way to his office. "I hate to do this to family, but Steph, your services are no longer needed. See ya'self out." _

Her savings account was bone dry, her cell phone bill was long overdue and she had several notices of eviction.

If there was any silver lining to this dark cloud, the land line had been cut which restricted her contact with the outside world. Her friends couldn't call her and her mother couldn't pester her.

Joe hadn't bothered to check up on her and she still had no idea where Ranger was.

The thought of never seeing him or hearing his voice again made her feel as though her heart was splitting painfully in two. A venom of coldness plagued every nerve in her body.

She was jobless, almost-homeless and emotionless.

Stephanie was left alone with the company of Rex and the knife gliding through her flesh.

_Pain. _

Without love.

_Pain._

She couldn't get enough.

_Pain. _

She liked it rough because she'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.

Stephanie was sick of feeling numb.

She felt like the only one and needed someone to take her by the hand and show her a world she could understand.

Her life was full of hurt and any slither of happiness just didn't work.

She just needed someone she trusted, someone who cared, to take her hand.

But probably when her lights went out, she would finally understand that there was no one left who cared.

She repositioned the blade over the scab of a previous wound under her left arm before slowly carving the red crust into the tender flesh below.

A sigh of relief escaped her lips as the ache of her screaming nerves burned across her skin.

Stephanie closed her eyes and dug the knife in deeper, relishing in the only sensation she could summon for herself.

Agony was better than misery.

Suddenly, a pair of calloused hands grabbed her wrists and separated the blade from her flesh. She opened her eyes and recognised the mocha latte brown skin that encased them.

_Ranger..._

"_Babe." _He whispered.

Stephanie didn't dare look up.

Instead, she stared down at her lap completely focused on avoiding his eye as he gently pried the knife out of her grasp and placed it on the counter.

"Stephanie, look at me."

His tone was soft yet firm with the use of her full name but she made no attempt to obey his command.

Ranger let go of her wrists and held her head in his hands; carefully shifting her hold.

His physical appearance remained the same; long silky black hair tied back in a low ponytail, chiselled facial features over smooth mocha skin and deep brown eyes.

But Stephanie was sure she could see a change in his chocolate orbs that usually held very little to no emotions - emotions that included sadness, confusion and angst.

He let go of her face and tenderly lifted her bleeding arm. She noticed how his eyes scanned the scars and scabs that trailed from her wrist to the crook of her arm.

"_Babe…" _The brown spheres locked onto hers as he whispered. "_Why?" _

She broke the contact by staring down at her lap again.

After a few moments, Ranger placed her arm down, stood up and walked out of the kitchen.

Stephanie waited to hear the sound of the front door shut and his footsteps fade away down the hall.

But instead, the taps hissed and water thundered against the bathtub. It was several minutes until the noise died away and Ranger's footsteps broke the silence.

She saw his feet appear from the corner of her eye but refused to acknowledge him. Ranger didn't seem to expect her to as he walked right up and pulled her to her feet.

He lifted her into his strong arms and carried her into the bathroom where a steaming bubble bath awaited them.

After placing her down on her feet, Ranger held the hem of the filched shirt and pulled it over her head.

Normally, she would have cringed if she was ever naked in front of him but Stephanie's eyes remained glued to the floor. He swept her off the ground once more and placed her into the bathtub.

She almost moaned when her body was submerged into the hot water. All the spasms of tension escaped her muscles as she leant against the far wall of the tub.

Ranger held her injured arm in one hand before picking up a wet hand towel that smelled strongly of disinfectant.

He tenderly pressed it against her skin and Stephanie felt the sharp stings and burns run across her skin. Instead of hissing and grimacing, she mentally willed Ranger to press it harder as she relished in the throbbing her nerves screamed for. But as the pain died away, he wiped her arm clean of the stains and crusts of dry blood.

Once her abrasions were sanitized, he tossed the towel aside to pick up a sponge, after dipping it into the water he held one side of her face with the palm of his free hand and began to wipe away the dirt and tearstains.

Stephanie still couldn't face as he gently pushed her into a sitting position and brushed her hair over her shoulder. While focusing on a chipped wall tile, she heard him get to his feet and felt his weight push against the side of the bathtub.

She let out a small sigh of bliss as he massaged her back with the sponge; kneading the muscles around her spine and the small of her back before moving to her shoulders and arms.

Ranger let the sponge drop into the bath as he pushed himself off the tub and reached for the shower head. Stephanie watched him through her peripheral vision as he turned on the taps again and pulled the lever.

He ran his hand underneath the spewing water to test the temperature, adjusting the hot water slightly before holding it above her head briefly and let it plunge into the bath to pick up a bottle of shampoo.

Stephanie closed her eyes as his fingertips rubbed the suds into her scalp and curls. She groaned slightly when she felt his thumbs pressure the muscles beneath the base of her skull. After hearing Ranger fish out the shower head, she felt him tilt her head upwards slightly before feeling the water rinse the bubbles from her hair.

"All done, Babe." He said softly, turning off the water.

Stephanie let him pull her to her feet and help her out of the tub. As he wrapped a towel around her torso, she glanced at the bath water; it had turned a filthy grey.

Ranger picked up another towel and rubbed her hair dry before placing an arm around her shoulders and guided her out of the bathroom.

He walked her into the bedroom and sat her down on the bed before leaving the room to return with a grey coloured tub and a bandage.

Ranger popped off the lid and scooped out a dollop of white substance with two fingers before carefully holding her arm and smoothing it over her wounds.

"Sudocrem." He explained as he replaced the lid. "It works miracles."

He picked up the bandage and wrapped it over her lacerated skin. As he finished securing the end, he went over to her dresser to pull out another one of his stolen shirts.

Allowing him to pull her up again, Stephanie let the towel drop to the floor as Ranger pulled the shirt over her head but still refused to meet his eye as he slipped her arms through the sleeves.

She could feel his brown spheres boring into her aura and wondered if he would finally give in and disappear again.

"_Babe…"_ She heard him mutter but made no attempt to move.

A sigh of frustration broke the silence.

Stephanie flinched as she saw his hands fly upward and seize either side of her face. Once their eyes locked there was no breaking the contact. She wanted nothing more than to curl up in to a ball and weep as Ranger's eyes shone tear bright with raw torment, frustration and distress.

"Stephanie, this is not like you. You haven't said a single word since I found you slicing yourself in the kitchen…please…" He stroked her cheek with his thumb. "Tell me what's wrong…._it's killing me…"_

She stared at him.

"Killing…_you?_" She muttered, a sudden anger bubbling in her stomach. "You're the one who has been missing for God-knows-how-long while I've been swimming through shit!"

With clenched fists she shoved him away from her as her chest heaved.

"I finally _wised up_ and _broke up_ with Morelli for good when I realised our relationship was just him wanting to bang me all the time along with turning me into a housewife and baby machine! That would mean I'd have to quit my job which wouldn't have mattered if I went to the office first to find Vinnie waiting to tell me that I can't be a bounty hunter anymore because he needs to hire professionals like you and your men so he can save his own sorry scrawny ass!"

She took in heavy breaths after her outburst. Ranger only stared at her, his face unreadable. She continued.

"For weeks I've secluded myself from the world just so people and my mother won't give me a hard time and gossip about me hitting rock bottom and give me grief about how I never last in a relationship! The shit really hit the fan when my landlord suddenly decided to threaten me with a few hundred eviction notices which sucked my savings account dry while nobody- in the meantime- ever bothered to care to ask if I needed any help!"

Tears streamed down her cheeks.

"But no! Nobody fucking cares about me! Not even my own fucking mother! Morelli obviously never did and he's probably screwing with a couple of whores right now!"

Stephanie gave Ranger a cold glare as she struggled to swallow the sob in her throat.

"And then there's you…After being attacked and held at knife point in Atlantic City, you suddenly disappeared without an explanation…Not even Tank or the others bothered to fill me in…I was alone! I had no one to turn to! I…I…"

The sob in her throat finally escaped as tears cascaded down her face. His strong arms pulled her forward and clutched her to his chest as her fists made feeble grips on his shirt.

"I know…" Ranger said rubbing her back. "I know that you're wounded." He pulled away and lifted her chin with one finger before wiping away her tears. "_Babe…_I wanted to tell you why I had to disappear for a while, but at the time I couldn't risk letting anybody who knew Vlakto get to you. I had to trace his contacts back to Russia for information about further terrorist plots. Although for some reason, most of them think your name is Joyce Barnhardt…"

Stephanie almost smiled.

"Besides Babe, I thought you'd be happier and better off with Morelli. You were definitely safer since he has no enemies who'd use you as bait."

She closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh. "Ranger…I was just a toy for him to hump and yet he expected me to marry him and be a stay-at-home-mom to half a dozen kids which is actually the thanks I get after I cleared his name…" A few fresh tears leaked from under her eyelids. "He's never been there for me when I needed him the most…no one has…not like you…I'm better off cutting myself until I bleed to death."

A hand caressed her cheek.

"Stephanie, look at me."

She opened her eyes and was surprised to see his were staring at her with a glint of ire.

"You know that I'm always here to save you. I will be damned if anything ever happens for you to end up six feet under." He pressed the palm of his free hand against her other cheek. "And you know that I'll always be here for you."

More tears fell as he lowered his face to hers. As their lips brushed together, Stephanie felt her heart swell. She subconsciously slid her arms up his chest and lock around his neck.

Ranger moved one arm around her waist and buried a hand into her hair, holding her head in place as he deepened the kiss; sending shivers of thrills down her spine.

Once they parted for breath, she brought her arms down and wrapped them tightly around his waist with her head against his torso; taking in the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

She felt his cheek rest upon her crown as he rubbed his hand up and down her back.

"_Don't leave me…"_Stephanie mumbled clenching her eyes shut to prevent anymore tears from leaking.

With his hand still in her hair, Ranger pulled her head back slightly so they were face to face.

He kissed her forehead. "There's a reason why I came here, Stephanie. I want to ask you something."

A fatigue suddenly engulfed her as Stephanie struggled to keep her eyes open. Ranger, feeling her dead weight against him, pulled her over to the bed. Without letting go of her, he drew her onto his lap and let her relax her head against his shoulder. He clasped her hand with her fingers entwined in his.

"Babe, I want you to move in with me."

She looked up at him. "What?"

He gazed down at her with gentle brown. "After the assignment of tracing back to Russia, I had some time to think on the way back to Trenton."

He kissed her lightly.

"As far as we know, there are no threats being made towards the U.S or the government. To get to the point, that means I have more time around my usual bounty enforcement. I want to spend that extra time with you."

Stephanie stared at him with disbelief. "So that means…"

Ranger gave her one of his rare 2000 watt smiles. "Yes. _Someday _has come at last."

Her eyes suddenly narrowed. "Why do you really want me there? Just as your whor-"

"No." He said firmly, looking her straight in the eye. "Not as that or just as my lover. I want us to be together; to be a couple in a meaningful relationship. After all those times I nearly lost you to those bastards, I swore to myself, after I came back from Russia, Atlantic City would be the last straw."

He shook his head and held her tightly.

"I saw what Vlakto did to that man before he held you hostage. I don't know what I'd do if he did the same to you."

Stephanie shivered slightly at the memory. "If I move in, what do I do when you're working? I can't be a bounty hunter anymore. Vinnie said-"

"In a way, you still can be, if you work for Rangeman." Ranger interrupted. "Minus going after and chasing the FTAs down. Remember when you helped solve who was breaking into our security system? We could use someone who thinks like you. You can partner up with Tank when we track down a high-bound skip or dangerous criminal and, if you like, still do distraction tasks."

Stephanie smiled and sniffed as fresh tears ran down her cheeks again.

"_Babe…" _Ranger whispered. "What's the matter now?"

She gave a small laugh and shook her head. "Nothing, I was just afraid that...that…"

"What?"

"That you would expect me to do what Joe did if I moved in. Be a housewife and breed."

She felt him stare at her. "Babe, what made you think that?"

"I don't know." Stephanie shrugged idly. "It's what everyone seems to expect me to do. Be married and a mother."

"Do you want to be a mother?"

She didn't answer straight away. Witnessing the pregnancies of her sister and babysitting her nieces had put her off the idea. Not to mention with all her mishaps from being held hostage and thrown off bridges. Being a mother didn't seem like the best thing to be. And even if she did like the idea, what if all her injuries and misfortunes had turned her sterile?

"…. I don't know. But…I can barely look after a hamster!"

"And that's okay." Ranger replied, kissing the top of her head. "If you decide you want to be, then we can work something out. And Babe, remember one thing."

"What?"

"I'm _nothing _like Morelli. I don't expect you - _or want you_ – to change in anyway."

She smiled before cuddling into the crook of his neck.

"I know that."

Ranger pulled back the blankets, lifted her into his arms, stood up and placed her down on the bed. He stripped down to his boxers, lay down beside her, tugged the covers over them and pulled her into his arms.

"Ranger?" Stephanie asked.

"Yeah, Babe?"

"Can Rex come too?"

He laughed softly. "Of course he can."

She grinned and kissed his bare chest. "Thank you. For everything..."

They both smiled to each other before closing their eyes to slip into a peaceful slumber.


End file.
